An open letter to my mother: Carole Anne Anderson

Thank you Mom.  Thank you for being the most self-sacrificing human being I’ve ever encountered. Thank you for raising four girls by yourself when your husband left you with an old car and not much else. Thank you for the work you did, and for all the activities you tried desperately to attend, even when you’d already worked 12 hours that day. Thank you for saving money in a mason jar (money saved while making less than $10 an hour) so that we could take the train to California to go to Disneyland.

Thank you for taking a decent man as your second husband, and for once in your life, having a partner with which to share your life’s burdens. Thank you for supporting an 18-year-old girl who insisted she’d found the love of her life, and for helping with my wedding even though you must have been horrified to watch me walk down that aisle at such a young age.

Thank you for the joy with which you received the addition of each of my children into your life, and for the grandparents you and Dennis were to them. Thank you for making the 850 mile trek to Utah each summer, hauling a trailer, to make sure those boys got to go camping. You didn’t have to do that, but you did.

Thank you for teaching me the meaning of being a loving daughter. You gave up your retirement to care for your parents, never leaving for more than a few days at a time because you knew how badly you were needed. Thank you for choosing to make your home in Dallas, and for all the times you jumped up and ran over to Glen Street as soon as your presence was requested. Thank you for being the one who was there, so that the rest of us could enjoy the freedom of not having to worry. No one will ever know the toll that being a caregiver took on both you and Dennis.

Thank you for quietly doing all of these things without complaint. Thank you for never asking for a single thing in return. Thank you for everything that you did for our family. I know there are deep places in your heart where you hold memories of your service dear, and those secrets will never be told because they are sacred to you.

Thank you for being a silent rock, always standing firm as the waves of life crashed over you, through good times and bad, and for weathering those storms without complaint. Thank you for being strong, while the rest of us crumpled as Grandma and Grandpa died, because you knew you’d done more than your fair share and then some. You knew you had done your very best to give them what they needed on a daily basis.

And most of all, thank you for the love that you have shown your entire family, unconditionally, even when that love was not returned. You are a hero.

The one where I "Just Say NO!" to the Red-Pot Ringers

Saw this bumper sticker today, on the back of what I lovingly, and probably inappropriately, call a "lez wagon." For the uninitiated, any hatchback Subaru is a "lez wagon." There are a ton of Subaru hatchbacks in the Pacific Northwest. A lot of them are driven by LGBT type of people, hence the nickname. One of them is driven by my very married girlfriend, who thinks it's hilarious that people think she's a lesbian because of her vehicle of choice. She has dared Mike to make good on his threat to put a rainbow sticker on the back when she's not looking.

Anyway, I have a great love for this group of people; I seem to be drawn to them for some reason. Mike is always saying: "If there is a gay person within a 100 mile radius, you will find them and make friends with them!" Not that it bothers him. I think he finds it amusing somehow. I just think that LGBT's are not only some of the most interesting people to talk to, but they have a love and tolerance developed by years of suffering that I haven't found in others. 

I think it's interesting that most every gay person I've met is such an awesome person. If I had been denied the right of marriage, ridiculed from a young age about  my sexuality, personality, stance, demeanor and/or mannerisms, I'd be a pretty pissed off cookie. Yet these people just exude love, tolerance and freedom. I think it's very cool.

The fact that this bumper sticker parrots an Obama for President sticker did not escape my notice. Same color, same general appearance. The President did two good things in his first term; 1: He repealed the "don't ask, don't tell" law that prohibited openly gay men and women from serving in our nation's military. Yay for that, because that was just a shitty, discriminatory law to begin with. Who wrote that anyway?? 2: He disavowed a federal law defining marriage as between "one man and one woman." That was HUGE for the LGBT community. But until May this year, he never came out and vocalized his endorsement for gay marriage. When he finally did, he was very careful, but succinct about his feelings on the matter. In an article from the New York Times, dated May 12, 2012, our President says the following:

"At a certain point, I've just concluded that for me, personally, it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married." He goes on to explain: "I had hesitated on gay marriage in part because I thought that civil unions would be sufficient. I was sensitive to the fact that for a lot of people, the word marriage was something that invokes a very powerful traditions and religious beliefs." President Obama also invoked his Christian faith in explaining his decision. "The thing at the root that we think about is, no only Chris sacrificing himself on our behalf, but it's the golden rule- you know, treat others the way you would want to be treated," he said. "And I think that's what we try to impart to our kids, and that's what motivates me as President."

Amen Mr. President. That's what it's all about. Tolerance, acceptance, and love. It is alright to hold beliefs because you are of a certain faith. But to force those beliefs on non-believers because you are in the position to do so is wrong, no matter which side of the fence you sit on. I am so happy that gay people can now legally commit themselves to one another. To legally say "I do!" with all of the benefits, commitments, and meaning that marriage holds. To legally have a say-so in all aspects of life. It's huge.

"So what does all of this have to do with the Salvation Army?" you're all thinking??! Where is she going with this? Well, let me tell you.

Those volunteers who stand outside grocery and department stores, ringing a bell during the Holidays to get you to drop your change in a bucket for the Salvation Army, probably do so because they believe it is a great community service opportunity. I do not disagree with that. What I do not condone, however, is the openly anti-gay stance that the Salvation Army takes in their doctrine. Like any other Bible-based religion, they believe homosexuality is wrong. They have had some overly zealous quack-a-doodles from their church, most recently this idiot, whose remarks, of course, were called "extremely regrettable" in an apology statement from the Salvation Army. 

Yeah, sure. It's only extremely regrettable when you bigots get caught and that's what has happened here. The dogma and ideology remain, and only when something goes viral on YouTube do you bother to apologize for your behaviour. 

So don't give these guys any of your spare change. In the name of the LGBT community, have some true Holiday compassion, and give to a more deserving charity, like The Point Foundation, who gives scholarships to at-risk LGBT youth. Or The Victory Institute, who support openly gay candidates for government office. 

Learn some love and tolerance, and remember, what you give comes back to you. Eventually. It's called Karma. I believe it, and I also believe that our whole purpose here on this planet is to learn to love. Unconditionally. Give it a try!

The Sign on our Door

ATTENTION: DOG IN TRAINING!!

Doggie Rules

1.  Please ring doorbell or text/call to ascertain if dog is on-leash or being forcibly restrained BEFORE ENTERING!!

2.  DO NOT open door or screen door unless one of us is there and the dog is secured.

3.  If we are not home, enter through garage. Be prepared to chase dog in case teenagers left the inner door open.

4.  If dog escapes because you ignored rules #1, 2 and 3, you are responsible to catch said dog and return her safely to us. Enjoy your five-mile sprint and obstacle course.

5.  If dog escapes and you are running, know that no one will help you catch her because she looks like a fox in pursuit of prey. Be prepared for the possibility of buckshot or gunfire aimed at you or “fox” in flight.

6.  If, by some miracle, you gain entry to our home without any of the aforementioned mishaps, please do not respond to our darling Shiba Inu, who will be jumping up on you by way of greeting. Please ignore dog until she is calm or until one of us gives you leave to worship her highness properly.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION

It's been a while...

Well, I knew 2012 was going to fly by in a blur, but it is pathetic that I haven't posted since Valentine's day. Ironically, I started clinicals for the year shortly after that post, and have been at it ever since, hence the lack of entries.

I've accomplished hundreds of hours of clinical this year, and have covered family practice, gynecology, pediatrics, geriatrics, and have a specialty ENT internship coming up. It's been fascinating, scary and wonderful, all at the same time. There have also been moments (more than a few) when I've questioned my sanity. I am very good at being a surgical nurse. I know my shit. So WHY?? Why am I putting myself through this? To feel like a total fraud/amateur? Because it's not fun to go back to being a learner, and they warned us all about this when we started. Apparently I didn't listen or didn't believe. Now I do; a little too late to save myself from the anguish of not being the best at something. I like being good at what I do, and it terrifies me that I will leave this Master's program knowing only 10% of what I need to know to take care of patients. TEN PERCENT!! I wouldn't want to be one of the patients that I'm figuring out the other 90% on. No way! But that's how they send us out; to figure out the rest of it. It's called "practicing medicine."

This is where faith comes in. And you all know I'm not a believer in God/Buddah/Jesus/Allah, what-EVER!  So how am I going to make it through this new life I've created for myself? I have no idea. I'm still figuring it out. I have to have faith in myself, meditation, good Karma and positive energy, and see where it takes me. I have the basics; now I just need to figure out how to make my dreams come true.
Scary.

Just in time for Valentines Day!

Hosting the Archangels

My sister sent me an email asking me if I wanted to host the archangels this week. I had never heard of it, but apparently it's something well known to Spiritualists, Christians, Wiccans, Jews, pretty much everyone except the pasty white of the Mormon faith, which is probably why the concept is so foreign to me. (Or maybe it's the fact that the Mormons never referred to them as archangels, but rather that they believe that archangel Michael was also the first man, Adam (D&C 128:20-21) and that the angel Gabriel is Noah. The angel identified as Raphael by other Christian traditions is also recognized as an angel of significant standing in LDS scripture.)

So the ritual begins by creating some sort of special place in your clean house. (Okay, I dusted, does that count?) An alter if you will. Upon this shelf, alter (or the top of my organ, such as it is) you place a white flower (I found a Jasmine in full bloom... bonus!) a white candle, and an apple. I also gussied it up with a white doily.

Next you write three wishes on a piece of paper. One for yourself, one for your family, and one for Mother Earth. You put those in an envelope and place them next to the candle. You can also write a question on another piece of paper and put it in a separate envelope. At 10:30 the first night, you light the candle and then open your front door to usher in the archangels. There's a script, but basically you just thank them for their presence and treat them like an honored guest. They stay five days, then you thank them and let them out at 10:30 on the fifth night.

My sister has an indigo child. This child did not appreciate the presence of the archangels, and my sister warned me that they caused nothing but upheaval and strife the whole week she hosted. But she blames that on my niece. We'll see what happens this week.

Some background:  The archangels, according to Wikipedia are the highest of the high of celestial beings. They have many different names, depending on which religion you are, but the most common three are Michael, Rafael, and Gabriel. This picture is supposed to be of Michael, slaying Satan. Well, I don't believe in Satan perse, but I do believe in evil energy. So perhaps the gentlemen will keep us free from that this week. I wonder if there are female archangels? If there are, I suppose the patriarchal men who wrote the bible never bothered to mention them.

Sharing is Caring

It's taken me ten years to walk the path out of Mormonism. I've blogged about the experience here recently, but up to that point the pain and agony of the journey was shared with very few people.


For obvious reasons, I don't give my life history/struggles to the world. But this week I came to the realization that not only am I better for having gone through that painful experience, but others can benefit from it.


A friend of mine reached out to me this week, seeking my advice for a friend of his who is walking a similar life-path as I've walked. I shared my story, gave him my take on how he should handle his friend, and hoped for the best.


I was so grateful and humbled by the follow up on this situation. Not only was I able to help my friend put aside some of his pre-conceived ideas about how to help his friend, but he was able to use my story to re-think how he wanted to support and love this friend through his decision, rather than fight him and try to change his mind.


As he put it: "Your email was literally the thing that allowed things to click in my brain in such a way that I finally "got it." 


 I always said: "If I only help one person by sharing, then I will feel that something good came of doing so." This week, one person has been helped. I feel grateful for the blessing of written expression, and for the ability to touch a life.