So, my normally sweet husband was unnecessarily cruel to me last night. I mean, REALLY cruel!
I am sitting there watching the season premiere of Private Practice, where an old favorite hottie of mine has joined the cast. Enter Dr. Jake Reilly (aka: Benjamin Bratt) as Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery's latest love interest. She met him last season in the produce aisle, they shared a kiss without exchanging names, and that was the last I thought I'd ever see of Mr. Bratt. This season, we find Addison forging ahead with her dream to have a baby, even though the producers seem to have forgotten that this series started 4 years ago with Addison's visit to her friends in LA to see if she could have a baby then. Her friend Naomi told her four years ago that she had like *one* egg left to her name. Of course, the magic of TV land will probably produce that single egg and fertilize it with the sperm of some studly donor. Only the best for Addison Forbes Montgomery!!
At any rate, she's laying there, up in stirrups waiting for her "fertility doctor" to show up, and of course who should walk in but Mr. Pineapple, from the previous season. After a bunch of shuffling, snuffling, clothes tugging awkwardness from Addison, Mr. Hott, er, I mean, Bratt, takes her hands in his and says: "Addison, I'm going to give you a baby." <faint>
So.... to the TV, I said: "Oh good god, Benjamin, you could give me a baby any day!!" to which my husband replied: "Yeah, a retarded baby, maybe, since you're 45 going on.... you know...." (He knows this upcoming birthday has me bugged....)
Okay, so I didn't know whether to cry or smack the shit out of him at this point!! I mean, people have babies all the damn time in their 40's!! My sister's mother in law did it at age 47, so SEE!! Where does he get off telling me I'm too old to have a baby?? I could do it if I wanted to!
Me: "Well, I certainly wouldn't be having another baby with you, asshole."
Mike: "Duh, I'm fixed. Why am I an asshole?"
Me: "You heard me. That was just plain rude, and mean. I cannot believe that you said I was OLD!"
Mike: "I didn't say you were old, I said you were almost...."
Me: "DON'T SAY IT!! Don't you say the number out loud!"
Mike: "But honey, I didn't say you were old!"
Me: "You said my eggs were retarded! That's the same as saying I'm old and shouldn't procreate, even with Benjamin Bratt!"
Mike: (looks incredulous) <sigh> "I didn't say you were old."
Me: "I am going to bed, where you should probably not begin to think you are getting any sex tonight."
I went to bed alone, where I dreamed about Benjamin Bratt and his millions of viable sperm. To hell with my husband, and sliding down the hill towards fiddy next month. I could have a baby with a hottie if I wanted to.....