Well, I knew 2012 was going to fly by in a blur, but it is pathetic that I haven't posted since Valentine's day. Ironically, I started clinicals for the year shortly after that post, and have been at it ever since, hence the lack of entries.
I've accomplished hundreds of hours of clinical this year, and have covered family practice, gynecology, pediatrics, geriatrics, and have a specialty ENT internship coming up. It's been fascinating, scary and wonderful, all at the same time. There have also been moments (more than a few) when I've questioned my sanity. I am very good at being a surgical nurse. I know my shit. So WHY?? Why am I putting myself through this? To feel like a total fraud/amateur? Because it's not fun to go back to being a learner, and they warned us all about this when we started. Apparently I didn't listen or didn't believe. Now I do; a little too late to save myself from the anguish of not being the best at something. I like being good at what I do, and it terrifies me that I will leave this Master's program knowing only 10% of what I need to know to take care of patients. TEN PERCENT!! I wouldn't want to be one of the patients that I'm figuring out the other 90% on. No way! But that's how they send us out; to figure out the rest of it. It's called "practicing medicine."
This is where faith comes in. And you all know I'm not a believer in God/Buddah/Jesus/Allah, what-EVER! So how am I going to make it through this new life I've created for myself? I have no idea. I'm still figuring it out. I have to have faith in myself, meditation, good Karma and positive energy, and see where it takes me. I have the basics; now I just need to figure out how to make my dreams come true.